Real Life Stories

Sean’s story

‘I was brought up in Northern Ireland by my foster parents, and came out as gay when I was 17. I was at college studying performing arts at the time, which was great – I had loads of friends and was really enjoying the course. I didn’t think my parents would be exactly pleased about my sexuality, but I was not prepared for their reaction – they kicked me out of home. I was devastated.

‘Because I had been in the care system, social services had to provide me with accommodation, so they placed me in a bed and breakfast. It might seem that I was lucky I had somewhere to go, but the rules of the B&B meant I could only be there in the evening and at night. Because of the stress I was under I started missing classes, and eventually the college encouraged me to drop out. This meant I had nowhere to go during the days. I just had to hang round town, all day, every day, no matter what the weather was like, or how I was feeling.

‘As soon as I was 18 I decided to move to London and take my chances there. Things started off great, I got a boyfriend and moved in with him. But when he started hitting me my world came crashing down again.

‘In the end I got a place with Stonewall Housing, and for the first time in a really long time I felt safe and comfortable. I was finally able to get my life back on track, and with my Supported Housing Officer’s help, I could deal with my past and think through my options. I thought about going back to college, but I’ve just been offered a fantastic job in PR! I feel that I’m ready to be independent now so I’ve decided it’s time to move on. I’m currently looking for a flat-share with other gay men, but even when I’ve moved out, Stonewall Housing will keep supporting me. I know that they’ll continue to be there for me.’

Jake’s Story

Jake didn’t have the best start in life – he spent most of his childhood in care, where he was sexually abused and bullied. At 18, he moved into a housing association flat on an estate in south London, which was both a big step and a big relief for him that he was finally independent.

He was lonely at first, but soon met a guy at a local gay bar and they started spending time to together at Jake’s flat. But some of his neighbours began whispering when they walked past. He felt intimidated but didn’t know what to do about it.

It was dark one evening when Jake was coming home from his boyfriend’s place. He reached the estate, where four men stood together smoking. When they saw him they ran after him, shouting “homo” and “batty boy”, and when they caught him they kicked him to the ground and beat him.

The police were fantastic; they classified the attack as actual bodily harm and a homophobic hate crime. They appealed for witnesses and featured the attack on a local news programme, but no one came forward.

Jake was really shaken up by the attack and ended up in casualty from self-harming shortly afterwards. He felt anxious and panicky, and when he went home he was so scared he couldn’t leave unless a friend was with him.

The police, Victim Support and his GP all wrote to Jake’s Housing Association to request he be transferred to a flat away from the estate. The Housing Association refused, advising him “against some of his behaviour, which may identify him as gay”.

At this point Jake contacted Stonewall Housing’s Advice Team, and with our support he made a homelessness application to another borough. He was immediately given emergency accommodation, and our advisor made an application to extend his housing benefit to cover both properties.

Over the coming weeks our Housing Advice Worker kept in close contact with Jake, talking him through his options, and advocating on his behalf with the borough. As a result, they finally accepted a duty of care to house Jake, and provided him with temporary accommodation.

In conjunction with Victim Support, Stonewall Housing made a complaint against the housing association on Jake’s behalf, for its homophobia towards him. The complaint was upheld, and Jake was awarded compensation and an apology.

A couple of weeks ago Jake finally moved into permanent accommodation, in a flat miles away from the estate where he was living. Jake and his new dog Dusty now feel safe and happy together in their new home.

Billy’s Story

Billy was 17 and studying at college when he came out to his parents. He wasn’t expecting them to be pleased, but he was not prepared for their reaction – they told him to leave immediately. He crashed on a friend’s floor for a while, but soon outstayed his welcome. Billy managed to get a bed at a hostel, but before long was told by a staff member that he’d be better off if he found somewhere else to stay, because his ‘difference’ was causing problems in the hostel. By now Billy was skipping college, and finally dropped out. Eventually he was referred to Stonewall Housing.

We were able to give Billy a room in one of our houses. We made sure Billy had all the support and encouragement he needed to deal with his traumatic past and gain the skills to move on. He has now enrolled onto a college course, and is taking steps to rebuild his relationship with his parents. For Billy the most important thing in getting his life back together was the opportunity to live with, and be supported by, other LGBT people. The safe space Stonewall Housing gave Billy means he now feels secure and can concentrate on building his future.

Zena and Ayisha’s Story

Zena and Ayisha had a great flat in a friendly North London housing estate. When a new family moved in next door their lives suddenly changed. It started with the kids shouting ‘dirty lezzas’ when they walked past. ‘Zena is dyke scum’ was scrawled onto their front door, and faeces was smeared through their letterbox. Their housing officer seemed incapable of dealing with the problem, and they became frightened of being at home alone.

A friend told them about Stonewall Housing, and one of our Housing Advice Workers was able to get an anti-social behaviour order against their neighbours. However, one night as Ayisha walked upstairs to her flat she was assaulted and kicked in the stomach. Stonewall Housing immediately worked to get the couple moved into temporary accommodation, and with our ongoing support they are now in a new flat in a different area. It’s taken a while, but the most important thing to Zena and Ayisha is that they now feel safe again, and are enjoying their new home.

Khaled's Story

‘I was 35 and had been living with my boyfriend for seven years, when I found out he was seeing someone else and we split up. It was his house we lived in, and he kicked me out, just like that. I didn’t really have any friends as my boyfriend and I spent all our time together, so I didn’t know anyone who could put me up, even for a few days.

‘I spent the first couple of nights away from home hanging around in bars – there wasn’t much else I could do. I really missed my boyfriend, and felt broken-hearted and angry about what had happened. I remember feeling absolutely exhausted from having to go through all of that at the same time as not having anywhere to sleep.

‘The second night I was homeless, I came across Stonewall Housing’s number in a magazine in one of the gay bars I was in, and I gave their advice line a call the next morning. The advisor explained it was pretty difficult to get into temporary accommodation, but she made a few calls and managed to find me a place in a hostel. She told me Stonewall Housing would also try and help me find a more permanent place to live.

‘It was such a relief to have somewhere to sleep at last, and to have people on my side and helping me.

‘I went to one of Stonewall Housing’s advice surgeries later that week and spoke to another advisor. He explained that, because of my age and circumstances, it was unlikely that I would be found in priority need. In other words, I wasn’t going to be able to get a council flat. It all felt a bit hopeless, as I didn’t earn enough to rent a private flat, but the advisor explained that I was eligible for a rent deposit scheme, which would give me the deposit for a flat.

‘The advisor helped me fill in the application forms, and I found a really nice room in a house with some other bisexual men. Now that my housing’s sorted I’m finally able to start piecing my life back together again.’

Tai's Story

'I was 18 when I left home to live with my girlfriend because me and my Mum weren’t getting on very well. My Mum kept interfering in my life all the time, she wanted to know where I was going, who I was with, she didn’t trust me at all, and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. It was ok living with my girlfriend for a while, but we ended up spending all our time together and started arguing a lot. She used to get really angry, and then she would become violent towards me, hitting me and pushing me around.

'When I eventually left her after a really big row I had nowhere to go, so I ended up sleeping on different friends’ floors. That was really awful – I couldn’t sleep properly, and I had to carry my stuff around with me all the time because I didn’t have anywhere to leave anything. I started falling out with my friends a bit too because they got annoyed with me being around all the time.

'When they said I couldn’t stay anymore I went to my local Connexions Centre in Lewisham and one of their advisors told me about Stonewall Housing. I wanted to be able to live on my own, and living with other gay people sounded like it might be all right.

'Getting a place in a Stonewall Housing hostel has meant that I finally have my own space and can walk down the street with my head held high again. I’m starting to get my life sorted, and at the moment I’m currently claiming JSA and I do voluntary work at a vets practice, and I’m also doing a singing course one evening a week which I really enjoy. My aims for the future are to work in the care field or with animals, and write songs in my spare time.

'I used to hate being “different”, I felt like I was weird but living in a Stonewall Housing house with other young gay people has helped me realise I’m not alone. Some of them have had similar experiences to me and that’s really helped. Being somewhere I’m accepted with people who understand has really helped me feel better about myself and my sexuality.'

Shanique's Story

'I was 19 and living at home with my Mum and my older brother in our house in Plaistow. My Mum found out about my sexuality when she looked through my phone and found a text message from my girlfriend. When she confronted me I tried to deny I was gay, but she didn’t believe me. She told me that homosexuality was evil and that I would go to hell. She is a religious person and couldn’t accept me being a lesbian. It was too hard for her to understand and I wasn’t safe living with them anymore because after she told my brother, he became aggressive and violent towards me. He spat on me and pushed me down the stairs and I fractured my wrist.

'I couldn’t stay with my girlfriend as her family didn’t agree with our relationship and I didn’t have anywhere to stay. I went to see my Connexions Advisor who found me a place in a short stay hostel. My girlfriend told me about Stonewall Housing because one of her ex-girlfriends had lived in one of their hostels for a while.

'Moving into the Stonewall Housing hostel has been the most positive thing that’s happened to me since my Mum kicked me out. It’s put a roof over my head and has given me my own space and time to think things through and get my life back on track. At the moment I am still settling into my new home and am claiming JSA. I’ve found out about Sports Science courses with my Supported Housing Officer and have applied for a course beginning in September. Eventually I would like to get a place of my own and try to make things up with my family.'

Jamie's Story

'I was 16 and living at home when I came out as gay to my Mum and her boyfriend. He said I was disgusting and that I would be a bad influence on my little sisters. He told my Mum that I had to leave, and made her choose between him and me. She chose him.

'Over the next three years my life went down hill. I moved 24 times all over the country, sometimes staying on friends’ sofas, and when that wasn’t ok, I ended up staying with older ‘boyfriends’. It got to the point where I was sleeping with guys to have a place to sleep, and I always felt under pressure to please them because when they got tired of me I had to move on. I never felt secure because I never knew how long it would last at each place. I was drinking lots and taking drugs, I didn’t think about what I was doing and I upset a lot of people. I lost a lot of friends which is why I ended up moving all over the country. It really wasn’t nice, I was selling myself to get money, and then when things got worse I just had sex for drugs and drink.

'Eventually I realised that if I didn’t get help with my housing I would never be able to sort out my life or get anywhere. I found out about Stonewall Housing from a friend, and had a look at their website and it looked like they might be able to help me. I contacted their advice line, and one of their advisors referred me to their supported housing.

'Stonewall Housing has given me a stable place to live in for the first time, where I don’t have to keep anyone else happy in order to have a roof over my head. I get support with my life, and can talk to my Supported Housing Officer about anything that worries me. I’m on JSA at the moment, and am concentrating on getting my life back on track. Eventually I want to find a good job or get on a training course.'

Yusef's Story

Yusef was 31 and living in a flat in small block in West London. He was going through gender reassignment surgery which was a really positive thing for him and something he desperately wanted. Some of his neighbours found out that he was transgender and things quickly went downhill. Word spread and Yusef was ostracised in the building, neighbours would make racist and transphobic comments, and one particular person would intimidate him with threats when he was at home. On one occasion his next-door neighbours had a loud conversation by Yusef’s open window about how they intended to ‘make him pay’.

Yusef didn’t feel safe at home anymore and this affected his mental health - he was unable to sleep, became panicky and very depressed. Yusef turned to drugs as a way of coping, and in desperation tried to commit suicide.

Yusef tried to get support from the police but he wasn’t taken seriously. He approached the local council who agreed that he was homeless but said that he was not in priority need and they wouldn’t help him.

Yusef heard about Stonewall Housing through Galop who were helping him make a complaint against the police. Our Housing Advice Worker supported Yusef in appealing against the homelessness decision and the local council accepted that he was a priority for housing.

Yusef is now in safe temporary accommodation and he is able to have his dog Ruby, who provides him with vital love and support, with him.